I take my coffee seriously, but every now, and again, I love to hear jokes about coffee and enjoy hearing fabulous coffee puns and coffee one-liners. I have put together this complication of the funniest coffee jokes that I could find.
Some are hilarious joke that just bust my chops, some a very clever use of language and other, ohhh some groaners.
We’d love to add to this list, so if you think of one or know better jokes about coffee, we will add them to this ever-growing compilation.
Puntastic Coffee Jokes For Adults (Warning: R Rated Dirty Coffee Jokes)
- 1. My perfect woman is like a well-made espresso, she’s hot and steamy.
- 2. “Pass me the sugar and coffee, babe, you just made me cream my pants” Overheard convo between two flirty baristas. I think there was something brewing between them, and something was about to get steamy.
- 3. Most women like their men like they like their coffee – hot, rich, keep them up all night and hurt their throats in a good way.
- 4. Men like their coffee like women, tall blonde and some like brew-nettes but most importantly hot and wet, sucks like a decaf and screams when she creams!
- 5. Forget the coffee, I’ll have a double shot of you! – flirty barista talk.
- 6. My friends call me espresso ‘cos I grind so fine – Said a confident hot barista.
- 7. I love you like I love coffee, dark, tall, hot and very strong.
- 8. Do you want a fair trade? Forget the coffee and just give me a number!
- 9. Is that a steam wand in your pocket? I sure hope it is ‘cos things are going to get steamy between us.
- 10. I’m gonna French press you against the wall, mocha love to you until you are screaming a latte.
Read: Decaf coffee jokes.
- 11. I love brew, brew are so brew-tiful, can I Java your number?
- 12. You and me – we are soo the perfect blend.
- 13. You mocha me so crazy.
- 14. What is the difference between frigid women and coffee? The coffee is easy and goes down much quicker!
- 15. What do prostitutes and Starbucks have in common? They both suck big time and empty your wallet!
Dad Jokes About Coffee
- 16. Word cannot espresso what a daughter means to a father.
- 17. A father should tell his daughter every day how brew-tiful she is.
- 18. My father once told me never to make fun of a baristas, they’ll roast you.
- 19. Don’t talk to your dad before he has his morning coffee – he might lose his tamper.
- 20. Your dad doesn’t have a problem with coffee – he has a problem without it.
- 21. Don’t argue with your father about coffee, it will just end up being a heated debate.
- 22. Don’t touch your dad’s coffee – you’ll end up getting grounded.
Read: Positive coffee puns
- 23. If you serve your dad decaf you’ll end up with a latte problems.
- 24. Making coffee for your father before he goes to work? You better rise and grind!
- 25. I never affogato to tell my father he is the best.
- 26. A latte walked into a coffee bar and asked the barista to hit him with his best shot.
- 27. What do you call a sad espresso – a depresso.
- 28. Why does your dad buy expensive coffee? Because the ends justify the beans.
- 29. At the gym, others prefer the dumbbells, I prefer the French press.
- 30. How does your father tell you he wants coffee after watching Star Trek? – “bean me up Scotty”
Read: Coffee Puns
- 31. Why does a coffee enthusiast keep checking his watch? Because he is pressed for time.
- 32. Why did your father report his coffee cup as stolen? He wanted to see some mug shots.
- 33. What do you say to a coffee bean that is sick? What Sumatra with you!
- 34. How do frigged women like their coffee? Nowhere near their pants!
- 35. Psychopathic like their coffee like their victims – tied in a sack and drugged through the mountains..or ground up in the freezer.
- 36. What is a vampires favorite coffee? Decoffinated.
- 37. What is the most popular coffee shop in Russia? Tsarbucks, of course
- 38. What are Russian coffee shops called? Tsarbucks.
- 39. Did you know Al Pacino’s brother was called Cap….
- 40. A coffee lover considers a yawn as a silent scream for coffee…
Coffee Knock Knock Jokes
Knock knock jokes are funny, hilarious…and groaners! They form a special part in comedy, jokes and humor.
We were asked a few times by readers if we knew any coffee knock knock jokes. Unfortunately I would not think of any nor find any – not a single coffee knock knock joke on the internet.
Let’s correct that!
If you know a coffee knock knock joke, send us a message using our contact page or a message on any of our social media pages, and we will love to add it here.
Final Thoughts – Jokes About Coffee
I hope you have enjoyed the jokes about coffee in this article and had a nice chuckle and rib tickler with these.
As always – we love to expand this list of jokes and would absolutely love to hear your favorite jokes about coffee and include them in this list. Find us on Facebook/Meta.