To brighten up your coffee morning and bring a smile to your pretty face we have come up with a list of the best and funniest decaf coffee jokes that will make you laugh out loud and, if you are the reserved type, a quiet chuckle to yourself as you enjoy these decaffeinated coffee jokes.
Chill out, enjoy your coffee and read these jokes and enjoy a nice chuckle.
The Best Decaf Coffee Jokes
- 1. What do you call decaf coffee? A depresso.
- 2. Why do Marxists only drink decaffeinated tea? Because proper tea is, of course, theft.
- 3. What is black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee!
- 4. What is the difference between regular coffee and decaf? Decaf is facing backwards.
- 5. What is the time and place for decaf coffee? In the trash and never.
- 6. When my wife makes me decaf coffee, I’m calling it grounds for divorce.
- 7. What is white and completely useless to society? A decaf latte.
- 8. My barista served me decaf coffee by accident – I told him not to worry, I won’t lose any sleep over it.
- 9. Want hear a joke? Decaf coffee!.
- 10. When I put decaf in my French press my wife calls it fake news.
- 11. A coffee addict friend claims that he will never data a girl that drinks decaf coffee “It is impossible to date someone that does not love themselves.”
- 12. If you have ever wondered what your purpose in life is, take a moment to consider the dilemma that decaf coffee is undergoing.
- 13. The bubonic plague is considered as the decaffeinated iced soy latte of the middle ages.
- 14. The only thing I fear is decaf coffee.
- 15. I often wonder of decaf coffee is fancy compost!
- 16. I believe that T shirt is correct – It is death before decaf.
- 17. Rumor has it Henry The 8th was served decaf, he decap’d.
- 18. The only thing in the world worse than no coffee is decaffeinated coffee.
- 19. When no coffee is available, even decaf doesn’t solve the out of coffee experience.
- 20. I never said I’d die if I was served decaf coffee – I said the barista would!
Read: Jokes about coffee
- 21. Drinking decaf coffee is like wearing a training bra – there’s nothing in the cup.
- 22. If you see or hear me ordering decaf coffee, it is a secret signal, a secret code that I have been kidnapped, and I’m signalling you.
- 23. There is only one way to drink decaf coffee – pour it down the drain and make proper coffee instead.
- 24. The most dangerous drinking you will ever try to get me to drink decaf coffee.
- 25. Decaf coffee is simply just coffee that has been robbed of it dignity.
- 26. Decaf coffee – the ultimate oxymoron.
- 27. Decaf coffee is one of life’s greatest unsolved mysteries.
Read: Coffee Puns
Decaf coffee Quotes
- 28. “I hate decaf coffee, it is just useless brown water” ~ David Letterman.
- 29. “I don’t like decaf coffee ordering it must be like asking for alcohol free vodka” ~ Unknown.
- 30. “I lost my job, my wife and 20 min of my life! Darn that decaf coffee” ~ Author Dave Foley.
- 31. “The more complex the order, the bigger the A-hole. Imagine waking up and ordering a Grande half soy half no fat decaf double shot iced vanilla gingerbread cappuccino with light ice extra dry with NutraSweet” ~ George Carlin.
- 32. “A skinny decaf latte – that’s a ridiculous order.” ~ Author Graeme Simsion.
- 33. “Decaf is like masturbating with an oven glove on” ~ Robin Williams.
- 34. “if this is decaffeinated I’m going to pour it right on your head”. ~ Author Audrey Bell.
- 35. “I need a cup of coffee to deal with this, and I’m not getting decaffeinated.” ~ Author Matthew Arnold Stern.
Final Thoughts – Decaf Coffee Jokes
I hope you have a proper giggle at those decaf coffee jokes and had a light hearted or a proper belly deep laugh at them.
We love a laugh and love coffee jokes. If you have great decaf coffee joke that is not on this list, seek us out on social media and send it to us. We’d love to include it in this list.