Coffee is a central part in life. Literally, there is not an adult alive that has not tried coffee at least once, and thus it is hardly surprising that there are so many coffee puns, coffee facts and coffee jokes and this article is dedicated to the best coffee jokes that I could think of.
Expect some coffee one liners and some adult humour. If you are a coffee lover, chances are you will love this article.
Keep reading as I did down and start ripping away with some of the best coffee jokes and one liners!
Best Coffee Jokes, One Liners
Let’s get straight to it and get right on with the very best coffee jokes and one liners!
- 1. What is the Beatles’ Favorite Song? Latte Be.
- 2. What do you call a sad coffee? A depresso.
- 3. A Barista asked me how I take my coffee? Very seriously was my retort.
- 4. I told my barista my coffee tastes like dirt – he didn’t look surprised, he told me it was ground this morning…
- 5. I heard that Moses loves coffee, He-brews it every morning.
- 6. Coffee lovers have a tendency to name their first born Joe…
- 7. If a serial killer was also a coffee lover his victims would be ground up.
- 8. How is a divorce like a shot of espresso? It’s bitter and expensive.
- 9. How do you know when you have had too much coffee? You are channel surfing faster without using the remote control.
- 10. What do you call a cow that has just given birth? De-calf-inated.
Read: Coffee related puns
- 11. Where do birds go to get coffee? To NESTcafe of course.
- 12. The police were called to my local coffee shop, a regular customer had his coffee stolen. It was a proper mugging!
- 13. What is the difference between a cup of coffee and your opinion? I asked for the cup of coffee.
- 14. The law of coffee states that when you sit down with a hot cup of coffee your supervisor will ask you to do something until your coffee is cold.
- 15. My kids are like coffee, they’re full of beans and are always getting grounded!
- 16. Italians and great at making coffee because they are brilliant at espresso-ing themselves.
- 17. What is the opposite of a coffee? A sneezy
- 18. There are only two types of people in the world, those that love coffee and liars.
- 19. Mechanics love coffee because it is break fluid.
- 20. A mechanic walked into his local coffee shop with jump leads – he was asked to leave. The barista didn’t want him to start anything!
Read: Jokes about coffee addicts
- 21. A poorly made coffee is a cheap shot.
- 22. Don’t drink too much coffee – it can cause a latte problems.
- 23. When coffee lovers are hitting me I know they have been thinking about me a latte.
- 24. Why are all Jewish men obliged to make a great cup of coffee? Because of He-brews.
- 25. A co-worker was cheeky enough to steal my cup of coffee, I went down to the local cop shop to check out some mug shots.
- 26. I walked into a coffee shop – It looked so familiar I got the feeling of deja brew.
- 27. What type of coffee was made on the Titanc? Sanka.
- 28. A dollar coffee is a cheap shot.
- 29. The first floor of a coffee factory is the ground floor.
- 30. I like my woman like my coffee, a tall blonde.
Read: Coffee Puns
- 31. Never discuss coffee at work – it might lead to a heated debate.
- 32. What type of sugar does singer Lady Gaga use in her cup of coffee? Raw, raw, raw, raw.
- 33. There are a lot of perks to having your own coffee maker.
- 34. What currency do you use to buy coffee in space? Star-bucks!
- 35. My wife was asked if she wakes up grumpy in the morning – She said she just brings me coffee!
- 36. What did the Italian barista say when he was getting teased? Don’t mocha me!
- 37. What did the coffee say when it did not arrive on time? Sorry I’m latte.
- 38. I started a fight with my barista – I only told him to give me his best shot!
- 40. What did the coffee beans say to the hot water? We will kettle this in court!
- 41. Never make fun of a barista – they will be sure to roast you!
- 42. Why do coffee lovers never throw away their French press? Because it has sedimental value.
- 43. What do coffee enthusiast councilors tell their rehab patients? Choose mugs not drugs!
- 43. Some coffee lovers like their coffee like their women, some love a tall blonde but I prefer a brew-nette.
Coffee Jokes For Adults – Coffee Jokes Dirty
For adults only, some raunchy coffee jokes for adult!
- 44. The perfect kiss is like an well made espresso – hot and steamy!
- 45. A sexy barista can make me cream my pants!
- 46. A great coffee is like a night of wild passion – it keeps you up all night!
- 47. Forget the coffee, just give me your number, I’ll call that a fair trade.
- 48. What does a sexy guy and a cup of coffee have in common? They can hurt your throat and keep you up all night.
- 49. What does a great coffee and a horny girl have in common? They are both hot and wet!
- 50. I prefer coffee over a frigid lady – The coffee goes down quicker.
- 51. What does Starbucks and prostitutes have in common? They both suck and empty your wallet.
Final Thoughts – Best Coffee Jokes
We love coffee, and we love jokes, I hope you enjoyed this compilation of the best coffee jokes. What is your favorite and funniest coffee joke? Send it to us on our social media, we will be delighted to hear it, especially if it is of an adult nature – nothing wrong with a bit of dirty humor.